Day 3 – Thursday – Whipped
“No corners to cut – just hard work, sweat and fun using Strength Ropes, Kettlebells, Body Bars and much more”
I walked into an H. R. Giger dream, or possibly nightmare. Entwined and sprawling on the studio floor are black, heavy ropes looped through equally black, heavy and slightly intimidating kettlebells. Sandbags in one corner, medicine balls in another, I think that’s Mr Pain and his best friend Mrs Suffering in the other standing next to some weights. There’s also Rory Knight, our instructor, and with an action movie name like that I was pretty sure this would be Mission Impossible.
Whipped involves 2 circuits of the studio moving between a pair of routines each time. Thinking back through the haze of pounding heart and roaring blood there was probably a 60 second break in the middle. The routine goes on, Rory shouts encouragement, ‘I like that sound’ as I slam a sandbag into the floor for the umpteenth time. I hear him throughout the studio correcting form and encouraging the other sweating, determined people. This is part of the charm of Equinox, the team are there to get the best of out of you. Yes, they work you hard, yes, you feel the pain, but you also realise they are there for you at any time, in or out of the studio, ready with a quip or pearl of wisdom to help you make the most of your time in the club. Which is great – at the end of day 3 my hamstrings are tighter than the ex-News of the World editors lips. Rory took a moment to show me how to stretch out and points me in the direction of the yoga class.
Juicery recovery recommendation: A Greene. Ingredients include, fennel, broccoli, lime, cucumber, apples, aloe. How’d you like them apples? The soluble fibre found in apples binds with fats in the intestine, which translates into lower cholesterol levels and a healthier you. At this point I’ll take all the help I can get.
Who is the instructor: Rory ‘Don’t be fooled by his smile’ Knight
Why this class: Perhaps insanity has taken hold? If not – cardio, strength and conditioning.
Toughness rating 8/10
Day 4 – Friday – Tabata
“A courageous, daring, & dynamic conditioning experience: 20 second bouts of high intensity training followed by 10 seconds of rest…”
The bloody tube! How many times has that phrase been uttered? I was stood on a packed Notting Hill Gate platform with the words ‘The next train will be in 11 minutes’ wringing in my ears. The class starts in 14. I hightailed it out of there and hiked the ¾ of mile to Equinox, charged past the smiling receptionist with a wave of my hand and shouting something about being late (as if that’s polite greeting enough), changed into kit and arrived in class in time for Rory to be waiting for me with look of satisfaction on his face. He shouted out over the pumping music, “I wondered where you were.” The subtext here, surely, is “I’m going to break you.” This was possibly something to do with my tweets the previous night alluding to the Tabata class being more picnic than pain. Which was a mistake, possibly.
The class is a fast paced circuit taking a variety of short, sharp exercises. 20 second bouts of high intensity training followed by 10 seconds of rest, 8 of each set and then again four times in total. In laymans terms: hard work. I wobble towards The Juicery.
Juicery recovery recommendation: The Sunset. Ingredients include, banana, blueberries, acai, pomegranate and coconut water. Designed to be full of Antioxidants to help cleanse your system and all the ingredients are classed as superfoods. Thank goodness for that.
Who is the instructor: Rory ‘The silent assassin’ Knight
Why this class: I’ve forgotten what I’m doing here
What it’s good for: Increasing athletic performance, boosting VO2Max, & decreasing body fat
Toughness rating 8/10
Day 5 – Saturday – The Workx
“Move from interval based treadmill exhaustion and resistance-training muscle burns, to complete core reconstruction.”
This is it. The end of a long week. Yesterday evening’s Tabata session is still clinging to me like the lycra on the fit and determined-looking bunch of training brothers and sisters I’m lining up with. I consumed a handful of painkillers prior to my final session as I could hardly walk home last night. There’s probably a clause somewhere telling me I’m both stupid and irresponsible – but hey, those are accolades, right? So what the hell. Tomorrow I can sit in a steaming bath with essential oils requisitioned from Lady Stirling’s private collection. Today, it’s victory or nothing.
We were all equipped with personal radio receivers so Taylor James can sashay about the gym in his cap (this isn’t all he was wearing) while telling us to run faster, work harder and not to give up, which is exactly what I was trying to do. We’d been through the warm up and hit the interval training at, quite literally, a gallop. Now we were on the final sprint and the last minutes of full steam ahead were brutally tough. I might have been fatigued from the previous 4 sessions or I really was giving it everything but my lungs were bursting and legs were pillars of molten steel yet my brain was shouting back at them “I’ll tell YOU when to stop”. When the timer runs out everyone is sucking air in a way that puts any Dyson to shame. It’s not over yet. Onto round two, resistance training which involves a rubber rope, a dumbbell and a low squat position.
Pull rope, raise dumbbell, repeat, “You’ve got 2 minutes of this, and go!” Taylor chimes. Then more resistance training, another position, another dumbbell – and it still wasn’t over. To conclude, the cherry on the cake, we moved to core reconstruction. Sit ups, crunches, leg raises, lying down cycling. If I was a nuclear reactor my core would be on meltdown. Then, it’s finally over. I’m lying broken under a running machine. Physically I am most certainly broken, but mentally elated. I was also a little sad it was over. What would I be doing tomorrow? Oh, that’s right, hobbling to the bath for a recovery soak.
Juicery recovery recommendation: The Mercer. Ingredients included mango, ginger, carrot, apple and added pea protein to help with muscle repair. The last juice of the 5, it is designed to wake you up and give you a large energy boost to help after a long week and the final class. Thank you Juicery for being there when I needed you.
Who is the instructor: Taylor ‘The Terminator’ James
Why this class: For a complete workout that blasts interval, resistance and core to the limit
Toughness rating: 9/10 (This class just pips the others to the accolade ‘Extreme’ winner 2013)
I stopped going to the gym a long time ago. It felt stale and boring, and there was a half man, half bear creature who somehow managed to hog every piece of kit I wanted to use, just as I wanted to use it. Equinox has taken that memory, crushed it into nothing and jettisoned it into deep space, never to be seen again. I now want to join a wellbeing and fitness club, I want to get into the studio for a brutal and demanding workout, I want to come out hurting but feeling king of the world. I want the best healthy food and drink options to help me recover post workout.
And the only place I want all of this – is Equinox.
Equinox Fitness and Wellbeing club is at 99 Kensington High Street, London, W8 5SA. Arrange a tour by calling 0207 666 6000 or visiting the website.
