Yes folks, that wonderful time of the year is approaching again – the time where parents dress their precious little ones up in witch-like plastic capes from Asda (3 for a £1) along with those hideous ‘Scream’ masks, and send them out to harass elderly neighbours by threatening to steal their mobility scooters unless they part with some pic’n’mix (aka cash). And while their precious little ones are making enough money to pay the electric bill, their precious teens are out necking cider in the park, dressed like a mix between Nicki Minaj and a My Little Pony living on skid row – seriously, someone tell teenagers those DIY pastel hair dyes are NOT attractive, even your hair hates you.
It’s also the time of the year where the rest of us sans precious little ones or teen ones (hurrah for that) draw the curtains, turn the lights off and pretend we’re not in – when really we’re slumped behind the sofa with a bottle of Sauvignon trying desperately not to spill any on the carpet/dog/your fetching jogging bottoms.
Yes I’m talking about Halloween, that time when we’re all glad we don’t live in America, as we would probably be forced to dig out our old dress-up Addams Family ‘Morticia’ wig and spray a can of Christmas window frosting on it and pretend like its cobwebs (like you haven’t thought of doing that at least once). Americans also spend all day in a pumpkin patch selecting a giant orange vegetable to take home and place in their windows, often with horrifically carved faces, a bit like Pete Burns.
But if its classy pumpkins you want, then look no further than Marc Jacobs’ collaboration with Japanese artist Yayoi Kusama for Louis Vuitton – think a minaudière in the shape of a pumpkin, covered with Kusama’s signature dots, and made from resin, metal and pure gold. Only five of the jewelled pumpkin bags have been produced, handcrafted by Louis Vuitton artisans, and if you want one for your living room window, it will set you back a bank-account-busting £83, 500, available by special order from Selfridges in London. I’ll take two please.
But who cares about pumpkins anyway, the eve of ‘trick or treating’ just won’t be the same this year without Heidi Klum’s one-woman Halloween EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAAA now that she and Seal are kaputt. As far as I’m concerned, Halloween is cancelled forever.
Heidi & Seal, Halloween 2010. Image © Splash
