When I was young and stupid, various friends of mine and I used to eagerly seek out all-you-could-eat food outlets for one reason and one reason alone – save gluttony – and that was the meat sweats. For the uninitiated, which I hope is virtually everyone reading this piece, these involved finding a low-class establishment that allowed its patrons to eat as much of a particular kind of tasteless, grey-coloured meat as they could, which would lead the greedy young to engage in eating competitions, and to ask, with far too much eagerness, “Do you have the meat sweats yet?” As I grew to man’s estate, I assumed that such childish things were behind me. Yet, as I reported for duty one August evening at the new Fazenda in Bishopsgate, I wondered what would happen. Would a long-forgotten teenage peccadillo return, and teach me a lesson?
We all know about the Brazilian tradition, imported over here a while ago by various low-grade restaurants, for placing cuts of poor-quality meat on skewers and inviting guests to eat as much as they can until they make themselves giddy with carnivorous excess. But what we have been waiting for in London is somewhere that eschews the usual dismal back-alley munch in favour of something of a vastly high calibre. Imagine, for a moment, if you could go to one of the city’s best steakhouses, and sample an array of cuts of the finest meat, washed down with an excellent red wine, and the whole experience be a pleasurable rather than punitive one?
Well, that is what Fazenda offers. The group has already taught Northerners about good meat, with outposts in Manchester, Liverpool and Leeds, among other places, but now they’ve arrived at the heart of the City, to show Southern types what’s what. And what we must all genuflect at is the so-called Rodizio experience, which consists of unlimited helpings (until you finally find yourself surfeit-swelled) of a dozen different kinds of grilled meat, all proudly brought to your table on skewers.
Fancy some excellent Picanha, some very fine Wagyu chorizo sausages or exemplary lamb rump? Well, you’re in luck. But don’t stop there; the chicken hearts are stunning, the honey pork belly is deliciously moreish and the tenderloin is – as befits its name – tender. And if you wash the whole shebang down with a bottle of 2014 Mirto Rioja, a sensational and unforgettably drinkable red, it’s the main course of your dreams.
But it would be a mistake to come here and merely indulge in the main attraction. There are a vast amount of treats lurking around the sides, whether it’s the excellent cocktails – I can barely remember trying a superior Old Fashioned, and the house special of Wheat & Peaches resembles a very grown-up glass of Archer’s, which will take us all back to the Nineties – or the superb starters; a giant king prawn with chimichurri is a fiery delight, and the tonnato vitello is mercifully light, given the onslaught that lies ahead. And if you somehow have room for desserts, try a selection of the Brazilian truffles, and, perhaps, the Fazenda sweet box; bite-sized portions of some of the house specialties.
Fazenda is not pretending to offer fine dining. Nor is it trying to cater to the lowest common denominator. This is seriously carnivorous fare – don’t bother coming here if you’re of the vegetarian persuasion, you’ll be bored – but it’s all served superbly, in a stylish and opulent surrounding. Turn up hungry, thirsty and adventurous, and you’ll be more than satisfied. And that, ultimately, is the best thing that you can ever say about a restaurant of Fazenda’s calibre.
Fazenda London, 100 Bishopsgate, London EC2M 1GT. For more information, including details of the ‘Fazenda Experience’, and for bookings, please visit www.fazenda.co.uk.
