I’m hurtling through one of the Cotswold’s prettiest towns, racing the sun as I go. Its tightly-packed streets are a Jenga-worthy jumble of whimsically-named, honey-hued houses gazing out across the valley below. It’s picture postcard stuff, all roses around the windows, wellies by the door. Dotted all around are historic treasures, like the town’s 14th-century donkey doors and its 17th-century spectacle stocks. Skimming my way past “England’s grandest churchyard,” it dawns on me that Painswick is like one great big, magnificent marble run of a town.
Yet there is no time for sightseeing. As the Painswickians sleep, unaware of the mist eating the town from the bottom up, I’m bound for the frosty ramparts of its eponymous iron age hill fort, Painswick Beacon.
Amid the excitement, I seem to have ventured into inky abyss wearing mud-caked hiking boots and some rather flamboyant pink and red pyjamas – alas, with sunrise looming, there’s no time for pride (or sanity). A swirl of well-worn trails and endless stone steps lead me to the summit, with panoramic views across the Severn Valley, the Malvern Hills and even Wales’s Black Mountains.
At sunrise, this burly, quarry-pocked hunk of a hill sees one sandwiched between two lands. Look east and you’re met by a kaleidoscopic swathe of fiery skies, new colours cartwheeling in with every moment that passes. Gaze west and the land collapses into a vast sea of low-hanging mist, faraway hills rearing their heads like distant islands.
Photo by Jason (courtesy of Unsplash)
Slap bang in the middle of the 102-mile Cotswold Way walking route (which links the Gloucestershire market town of Chipping Campden to Somerset’s UNESCO-listed city Bath), Painswick Beacon is the gateway to bloody battlegrounds, stately homes, a Neolithic burial barrow and even Catherine Parr’s grave. Tempting, but with my already brash pyjamas now illuminated for all to see, I headed home, helter skeltering my way past twitching curtains and puffing chimneys – the sun had officially risen in the ‘Queen of the Cotswolds’.
On the way down you can’t miss St. Mary’s Church with its cloud-scraping spire and 99 ancient yew trees (legend has it the devil wouldn’t allow a 100th yew to flourish… yet the controversial planting of an additional yew to mark the millennium seems to have outwitted the fallen angel nicely). Just behind is another icon, The Painswick, a grand 18th-century Palladian hotel, built with stone from the beacon, it’s been the go-to for luxe digs in this neck of the woods for a decade now – ever since the folks behind swanky Calcot Manor snapped it up.
Its refreshingly bijou size, personable service and top-notch fine dining means it feels less like a fancy hotel and more like a wonderfully relaxed first-rate restaurant with rooms, oh… and fire-warmed lounges, garden party-worthy grounds and the area’s most scenic drinks terrace (draped in rambling wisteria and basking in sun, those lucky enough to enjoy an aperitif here can do so gazing across Laurie Lee’s beloved Slad Valley).
Thanks to a savvy property purchase, the hotel now rubs shoulders with its very own luxury holiday cottage. With its own parking and separate entrance, the beautifully decorated 3-bedroom stone cottage can sleep six, providing the perfect home-from-home for families or groups who want to retreat to their own digs after necking the hotel’s delicious jalapeno oysters.
Spread across three floors, it echoes the hotel’s playful take on traditional interiors with retro flourishes throughout – fresh flowers hang heavy over the old-fashioned telephone (which ensures that champagne is always just a phone call away) and the mirror hovering above the main bedroom’s clawfoot bathtub transforms into a flatscreen television at the touch of a button, for shamelessly loafy soaks (there’s an obligatory copy of Cider with Rosie, should you prefer).
For those simply wanting to kickback and relax amid beautiful surrounds, it’s just the ticket. Soak up the sun from the living room’s eye-wateringly large window seat/ bed, battle it out with boardgames fireside or indulge in an alfresco feast in the cottage garden – there’s also a small courtyard area just off the kitchen, perfect for morning coffee. I would go into details about the kitchen, but frankly only a fool would use it, after all, the hotel’s award-winning restaurant is mere just steps away.
With acclaimed head chef Jamie McCallum at the helm (ex- Wild Honey) it’s become the area’s hottest table for fine dining. On our visit, the sharing menu had everything from coal roasted artichoke with hazelnut and ajo blanco to steamy mussels with lemongrass. Initially unsure how such punchy, varied flavours would come together, my non-stop chatter soon gave way to an hour of mildly embarrassing melodic groaning. I would happily re-order every single plate, but if I had to pick a stand out dish, it would be the melt in the mouth lamb with aubergine and fennel.
Don’t fancy leaving the cottage? I don’t blame you. Give them the nod and the team will rustle up one of their delicious traybakes and whisk it over to you for dinner at home sans effort – their lasagne is sublime.
As delightful as slovenly lounging is, I’m a relentless, bucket-list kind of traveller, intent on soaking up every last drop of a new hood (as my pre-dawn, pyjama-clad escapades illustrate). Plus, the cottage’s incredible Slad Valley vistas inject you with instant and utterly inescapable wanderlust. Luckily, adventures pop up like whack-a-mole around here.
Keen hiker? Don’t overthink this one. The Cotswolds is England’s largest National Landscape (the shiny new term for those spectacularly beautiful spots previously known as Areas of Outstanding Natural Beauty), with thousands of miles of trails to explore. Head to Painswick Beacon and hop onto the Cotswold Way, or venture into the valley to embark on the Laurie Lee Wildlife Way; a 5-mile nature-filled amble around Slad, peppered with poetry posts and an obligatory pint in The Woolpack. Reception also has a handy list of QR code guided walks to choose from.
Cottage guests also get free entry to England’s only surviving Rococo garden. Just a short stroll away, Painswick Rococo Garden was originally designed for Painswick House as a flamboyant floral pleasure garden – the perfect hidden spot for frivolous 18th century hobnobbing and the valley’s most exclusive parties. By the 1980s it was completely overgrown – more jungle than joie de vivre.
Today, thanks to a huge amount of TLC (and loot, ahem), it’s been restored to its former glory. On our visit, 5-million snowdrops carpeted its manicured lawns and wild woodland. Serpentine paths snake their way past trickling streams and colourful Gothic follies deliver uninterrupted views of the gardens, backed by sheep-speckled fields. We did consider the café, but a stranger promptly chimed in with, “if you’re staying at The Painswick, for god’s sake eat there”. Wise words.
For those after a little retail therapy, Painswick is peppered with sweet indy businesses and the artsy town of Stroud holds a cracking farmer’s market each Saturday, with its atmospheric streets packed with stalls selling everything from room spray and raclette to real ale. “We call it being Stroudy,” one stall owner informs me, peeping over a fortress of homemade soap, “you know, the right side of bohemian,” she adds with a wink.
As the sun sets, we raise a glass to a cracking weekend – one filled with walks, talks and donkey doors. Before we know it, the colour has seeped away and Painswick is plunged into inky darkness once again. In the Jenga-worth jumble of honey-hued houses, curtains are swiftly drawn and the town’s chimneys are running out of puff – another day is over in the “Queen of the Cotswolds”.
Just when we think we’ve taken everything that the town has to give, the sky lights up, awash with stars and planets galore. As the Painswickians settle down for the night, here we all are, at the bottom of the marble run, wide-eyed, clutching our binoculars in our mud-clad hiking boots and flamboyant pyjamas. It must look phenomenal from the beacon…
The Cottage at Painswick can sleep 6. Prices start from £549 per night, with a min 2-night stay. For more information or to book visit www.thepainswick.co.uk.
