“Going to Norfolk, eh?” said my friend, “you’ll need some pink trousers, then…and,” he added thoughtfully, “a Range Rover.”
I was saved from potential social embarrassment by finding out that The Harper, my destination, has recently partnered with THE OUT, a luxury car rental service that delivers your J/L car of choice (Range Rovers, Defenders, and Discoverys) directly to your door.
So, after a chat with their team a new Range Rover Sport was loaned to me for 48 hours. All booking is done seamlessly online, thereby saving the usual infuriating form-filling when hiring a car.
Sure enough, the beast appeared outside exactly at my requested time, dwarfing my regular whip, a 1968 Sunbeam Stiletto, and after a helpful introduction to the Rangey’s millions of features and esoteric gadgets, the charming and smartly turned-out Darren left me to clamber up into it.
Well, this is not a car review, so all I can say is ‘wow, what a car’. Once I’d got used to it being the width of the Queen Mary, and carefully inched it out onto the M25 while sweating cobs over scratching it, the beast and I soon became best of friends. The domineering height, the magnificent comfort, the effortless power on tap, the futuristic touchscreen; this was luxury on wheels. The miles to Norfolk melted away like magic – and so did the fuel.
The Harper is a veritable jewel in the pretty village of Langham on the North Norfolk coast, with its panoramic beaches and ancient country mansions, and, of course, Sandringham. There are lots of small villages, cute seals to see, charming market towns and you can catch crabs in Cromer. If you’re not careful, boom, boom.
The car park at the hotel made me glad I had the Range Rover, because almost everyone else parked there had one, too. All devoid of any trace of mud, of course – the real 4×4 workhorse in rural Norfolk seems to be Toyota.
The Harper was once a glass-blowing factory, but has been turned into a chic flint-walled boutique hotel. It doesn’t feel like a hotel, more a designer home. The only clue to its real status being the reception area. Don’t eat the biscuits on the desk by the way; they’re dog treats.
And The Harper really likes dogs. You can park your pooch in any of the rooms for a small supplement, and the hotel will provide a bed. Outside is a dog bath so you can wash your pet down after walkies, as well as clean your Hunters.
For two-legged guests, there’s a very comfortable bar off the reception with plush chairs, button Chesterfields and soft furnishings in rich, vibrant colours. With no intention of driving ‘The Beast’ again until morning, I sank gratefully into a sofa and downed an excellent Bloody Mary, with a glossy Norfolk magazine full of ads for handmade kitchens at astronomical prices. Next to the bar is a nook-like games room, The Den, with a pool table, board games and a big telly if a match is on.
If you’re not inclined to the bar, or watching sport, upstairs is Lily’s, a quieter lounge with a fine beamed ceiling, a fabulous wood burner and lots of plush chairs, sofas and interesting books to browse, all lit by remarkable stained glass windows. The hotel uses eco-friendly biofuel for heat, as well as sustainably grown wood for its log burners and the outdoor fire pits; a pleasure to sit around on a crisp autumnal evening in a pretty ‘yard’ bedecked with fairy lights, giving it that private London club country outpost feel.
A creaky lift took us to the top, the third, floor and one of The Harper’s thirty-two rooms. A contemporary faux four-poster takes centre stage in a large, eclectically furnished, warm and comfortable room, that includes a mini bar with complimentary snacks, beer and premixed cocktails, not to mention a luxurious bathroom with flip-flops and a robe to transport you to the spa.
Ah, yes, The Spa. Not my cup of herbal tea but I can see its appeal. It’s very elegant and inviting, with a pool, Jacuzzi and a menu of treatments exclusively designed for the hotel by Irene Forte Skincare. In a rather canny move, the pool is only open for private 30-minute bookings (subject to availability, of course) and you get exclusive use of it, as well as the sauna, steam room and hot tub. If I were so inclined, it would be the perfect spot to blow out the cobwebs and freshen up before dinner.
Stanley’s, named after the owner’s grandfather, benefits from a vaulted ceiling and views. Designed to be relaxed and bistro-ish, it’s a compact menu with ‘Small Plates’ for starters. Some, however, not quite so small. Crispy-skinned lamb with sunflower seed hummus, apricot harissa and roasted aubergine was delicious but a bit much to kick off with. My other half fared much better with traditional cured trout, salmon caviar and salted cucumber; a great deal lighter and a better choice, ultimately.
I don’t usually choose steak, but ‘when in Norfolk’ and all that; the local 30-day aged ribeye comes with beef fat roasted cauliflower, Old Winchester puree and almonds. If you’re equally unsure what Old Winchester is, it’s a Parmesan-like hard cheese with a strong umami flavour, and complemented the excellent steak, served on the bleeding edge of being too rare, equally matched with the beefy cauliflower.
Over the table a big pork cutlet was gnawed to the bone and had that fashionable favourite, grilled Hispi cabbage, on the side. We shared lovely local carrots roasted in cumin, honey and coriander, and Norfolk Peer potatoes simply boiled and dressed with butter, lemon balm and chives. The best way to serve great spuds. We could only manage one dessert between us; a good old nursery favourite, rice pudding, maturely flavoured with cardamom and a passion fruit ‘egg’. A clever touch, and rounding off some accomplished work from the kitchen.
After all that, d’you want to hear about breakfast? Of course you do. After all, breakfast is the difference between leaving a hotel happy or with the hump. Well, we left very happy. I couldn’t order a full English, as we had a restaurant booked for lunch, but two muffins with poached egg, Hollandaise sauce and crispy bacon hit the spot well and set me up to tackle ‘The Beast’.
Manoeuvring The Beast out, enjoying the envious looks from one guest who only had a common little Discovery, we headed off for a happy day of visiting local villages and chic market towns, taking in the likes of Burnham and Holkham Hall, its lovely widescreen beach and the wonderful coastline. We even got to see some of those seals.
To go full Clarkson, I took time to work out how to change settings through the screen to stiffen the suspension, adjust the drive to all four wheels, tweak the throttle response and go into ‘flappy paddle’ gear change mode. Soon I was barrelling recklessly down the narrow Norfolk lanes and cheerfully forcing every opposing car into hedges, just like a local.
Making the most of the car, we made it home late in the evening after a calming cruise of a motorway drive, finally found a parking space big enough to use the all-round cameras to manoeuvre into, and put on the physical wheel lock thoughtfully provided for sketchy post codes like ours. I went to bed happy, but restless; every noise outside I assumed was someone attempting to pinch what I now regarded as ‘our’ car.
But it wasn’t our car, more’s the pity, and the next day, Timothy, another charming chap from THE OUT, came to collect it and confirm that I had magically managed to keep it mark free both inside and out. I waved The Beast goodbye, rather sadly, but with some relief that the responsibility was now off my hands.
What If you’re car-less in London, and it increasingly makes more sense, then hiring a car for a hotel break is a sensible way to get out and about.
Hirers who are guests of The Harper can claim 10% off their bookings with THE OUT, a decent saving, as all the extras come as standard – insurance, mileage, additional drivers, car seats, bike racks etc. Car delivery is free in London zones 1-5, selected postcodes in Manchester, as well as Heathrow and Manchester airports.
