I couldn’t blame my chap for grimacing on entering Eltham. This did seem an unlikely place to want to visit on a bank holiday weekend, and the clouds were threatening rain. But sure enough, nestled in that remote and hideous corner of South East London stands the remarkable Eltham Palace; a former haunt of a strapping young and athletic Henry VIII, who apparently enjoyed outdoor sports there when the land was peaceful countryside and not subjected to the later outstretched arms of suburbia and the forces of housing demands.
Zoom forward four hundred years or so to 1933 and you find the Palace unloved, long since forgotten by the Tudor royal court, who were, as you may remember from your distant school days, rather a fickle bunch. Enter Stage Right a young glamorous couple – Stephen and Virginia Courtauld, in search of a larger place in which to entertain their friends and house their growing art collection. Did I mention they were disgustingly rich? Anyhow, they see poor derelict Eltham and fancy ‘doing it up a bit’, bolting on to the remaining original building a unique and ‘modern’ house full of all the latest mod-cons and art deco design from Paris. This is England in the 1930s after all! No fears about heritage conservation or any rot like that – the Crown simply hand over a 99 year lease on the proviso that the Courtaulds restore the original Great Hall. Exit Stage Left – not wanting to be inconvenienced by building works and other bother like that Stephen and Virginia scoot off on their luxury yacht the ‘Virginia’ for three years leaving two young pioneering architects to oversee the project.
On their return to England in 1936 the Courtaulds renamed the newly completed property ‘Eltham Hall’. It wasn’t warm or cosy, no chintz or frills here! Eltham was a way of life – soon entertaining the Mayfair-set in droves. The 21 bedroom mansion, with its ocean-liner inspired interior and space odyssey-like glass domed entrance hall, literally dripped in luxurious materials; lacquered ebony, marble, mother-of-pearl and leather upholstery. 
One can easily imagine the excitement of guests experiencing the under-floor heating and electric fires and clocks. If you received an invitation to spend the weekend at Eltham in the 1930s you were somebody. Imagine the scene…
It’s a balmy summer evening in 1937. After a pleasant stroll around Virginia’s rose garden, you skip along to your circular cabin-like bedroom, complete with a fitted wardrobe with an electric light and your very own ‘ensuite’ bathroom. This is the life. Dressing for dinner takes some time but finally you decide upon something sophisticated yet fashionable enough to look at home in the maple-panelled and aluminium-ceilinged dining room. Later, like a character attending one of Jay Gatsby’s famous house parties, you sip cocktails and dance the Charleston as the loudspeaker system blasts out the latest jazz records. One of the guests suddenly starts running and jumping maniacally about the room, menaced by Virginia’s pet ring-tailed lemur ‘Jongy’ – who has an unfortunate habit of biting visitors (or staff for that matter) he happens to take a disliking to!
Many have speculated about the Courtaulds’ home and married life – were they happy? Eltham certainly doesn’t give you the feeling of bursting at the seams with love, but then what museum ever does? If you or I were grand enough to have English Heritage beating our door down for the house keys in readiness of us popping off I don’t suppose, by the time their team entered to restore it to its ‘former glory’, it would have any lingering ambience other than a bin that needed to be emptied or some dead flowers in a vase. Eltham is a house shrouded in a peculiar and inexplicably sinister atmosphere, mainly due to the interior resembling something out of a futuristic spy thriller/spaceship VIP lobby and the fact that very little is known about their life together other than some odd movie footage of weekend house parties. It’s rather like visiting the grave of someone you know nothing about. The Courtaulds’ had no children and were clearly very different personalities. Stephen was a studious man, a keen collector and philanthropist and known to dine with guests without uttering a single word. 
Virginia was more gregarious on the other hand, and had an interesting Italian and Hungarian ancestry and no doubt enjoyed boasting of her distant relation Vlad the Impaler. She caused more controversy still when the snake tattoo on her ankle was discovered! Although the couple had planned to spend their remaining years at Eltham they decided to move to Scotland for a short period during WWII, leaving Eltham Palace in the hands of the Royal Army Educational corps and later moved to Zimbabwe.
Eltham Palace was purchased by English Heritage in 1995 who ‘restored’ the house to the heyday of the 1930s using original photographs. The house was opened to the public in 1999 and has become a popular film and television location, including the 2008 film adaptation of Evelyn Waugh’s Brideshead Revisited and an episode of Poirot starring David Suchet who has since lent his voice to the audio tour.
However spectacular the interior design is and however pleased I am to have seen it, Eltham isn’t a place I would want to live in, stay for the weekend, or spend even an entire day. In fact I was rather relieved to be in the warmer environs of the car, with my love driving me, growling, in the direction of our own home…
Eltham Palace, Court Yard, Eltham, Greenwich, London SE9 5QE. Tickets: Adult £9.60 Child (5-15) £5.80. Opening times: 1st April – 4th November 2012; Mon, Tues, Wed, and Sunday 10:00am-5:00pm. For more information please visit the website. Events: Art Deco Tours – Tues 12th and 26th June, Tues 10th and 24th July, 11am & 2pm.
